Who knows?

Ugh this is so true.
I can’t get over how people spend their whole lives worrying about the stupidest shit. Shit we don’t need. Shit we shouldn’t care about. The things that we spend our days creating to make our lives easier have taken over our lives and what it means to be human. We’re like the plants we genetically engineer to resist predators, but die with the slightest frost. We’ve evolved into a completely new creation, not human. We’re this new breed of people who live for comfort and ease, but with the slightest hint of trouble we crumble. Our convenience has become our crutch. Where do we stop? When will we take back what’s rightfully ours? When will we fight for what is us? We don’t make dinner anymore, because there’s a dollar menu with our name on it. We fill out bodies with salt, sugar and fat because we’re too goddamn lazy to go to the grocery store and cut up a fucking vegetable. We don’t go see people, because our webcams let us sit on our ass. We would rather rent a $5 fucking Ben Affleck movie then actually go out and live. We would rather google porn than have an interaction with another human being. 

I refuse to live like that.
I will not be another obese statistic.
I will not be another suicide statistic.
I will not be another suburban bore.
I will not be another person who lets themself go.
I will not be part of this piece of shit humanity.

So fuck you, world.
I’m starting my own.

So, do tell, Best Friend.
Why didn’t you tell me?
Was it a big secret or something personal you didn’t want anyone to know?

… No.
You told everyone.
Broadcasted it.
Texted it, shouted it, bragged.
You’re proud of yourself!
Hooray!
One, two, three, four people told me.
This is just who was in my class.
Who else knew?
Did you make it your facebook status?
I really hope you had the time of your life.
I really hope this was all worth it.

So, I ask again.
Why didn’t you tell me?
Oh yes. Silly me.
You’d rather be high.
So let’s see how much comfort ecstasy gives you when you’re alone.
It’ll make you fly and laugh and love more than I can, that’s forsure.

But doesn’t it have an unfair advantage?
I can’t manipulate your serotonin levels.
Do you even know what that is?
Then again,
I also won’t ruin your teeth, dehydrate you, or give you a heart attack. 
You can’t overdose on me.

So, I ask again.
Why didn’t you tell me?
Because you didn’t want me to stop you from doing chems?
Ooh. I see.
I’m the bad guy here.

I’m sorry that I don’t want my best friend to get into chems.
I had no idea I was in the wrong here.

You know,
it’s not like you have an addictive personality or anything.
And it’s definitely not hereditary. 

I see.

Well, I’m just about done now.
But I hope you have the time of your life.
Keep it up. Really.

It’s not like I feel really strongly about it or anything.
It’s not like we’ve had so many talks about it.

It’s not like I have you in mind or anything.

Why?

We’re going to sit around and spend every minute wondering.. what if?
What if I had made a different desicion?
I don’t know about you, but I’m not concerned with what isn’t happening.
I want to know what’s going on. 
What’s good.
What’s bad.
What needs me.
What I’m better off without.

How can I be better?
How can I have more fun?
How can I make the joy last forever?

After all, why are we here?
To be miserable?
I’m sorry, but that is not the life I was born to lead.
I am not going to sit around and wait for a boy to call me.
I am not going to stay home because no one invited me to a party.
I am not going to become static and watch my life play before my eyes.
I am not a benchwarmer.

Sitting around forever.
Waiting for your turn.
That’s not me.

I’m going to make things happen.
I’m going to change the world.
I’m going to become the best person I can be.

I am the person I want to be.

And not one of you popular, beautiful, rich are ever going to make me doubt myself again.
I will never again try and be one of you.
Because I’m not.
And I’m okay with that.

I’m secure with the fact that I will never be That Girl.
That walks in the room and everyone stares.
I know That Girl.
We all do.
It’s not me.

I’ll live.
And I’ll have the fucking time of my life!

What are you gonna do to be who you actually want to be?
Will you sit at home and cry over someone who wasn’t meant for you?
Will you waste away on the couch watching Seinfeld reruns?
Will you flip through magazines of people who you falsely idolize?

I refuse.

Calling me back doesn’t mean you didn’t fuck me over. 
Calling me back doesn’t make it okay.
Calling me back doesn’t mean shit. 
This is probably just a hit to your pride.
I’m glad I get to be the Only Girl to Turn You Down.
It’s about fucking time.

Whatever.
You probably already have a new girl.
Or two.
Or four.
Or twelve.

I’m sure you could play the heartbroken card.
I told you.
I’m heartless.
Like the Kanye West song.
Like the ADTR song.
Like you wouldn’t believe.

Honestly, you could write a book on how to mess with people’s minds.
You’re manipulative.
And charming.
It’s not a good combination.

And for the record,
No. I wouldn’t have sex with you.

I want to be nicer.
I want to be beautiful on the inside.
I want people to think of me as a sweetheart.
I want people to be drawn to me.
UGH.
Here I go again, seeking everyone else’s approval.

I don’t need you.
I don’t need anybody.
Everyone will let me down.
And vice versa. 
I will stab you in the back.
I will twist the knife until you bleed your last drop.
I will betray you in ways you never thought I could. 
I will surprise you.
And not in a good way.
I’m not who you want me to be.
Hell, I’m not even who I want to be.
I don’t know who I want to be.
But I don’t think I’ll ever be that person.

Why can’t I just be who I want to be?
I see people that are so sure of themselves.
And I’m so jealous that they can be who they want to be.
Fuck what everyone else thinks.
They rock it.
Why can’t I do it?

I don’t get it.